Tomorrow, December 4th, 2009 my son Gabriel Thomas Carter, age 7, goes in for an heart operation. But before I go into whats and whys, let me tell you about Gabe.
Gabe, in the Beginning…
October 8th, 2002 was the greatest day of my life. It was the day I officially met my son Gabe for the first time outside of an ultrasound. (I am also fortunate to have gotten a repeat of that day 3 years later when I met my second son, Nate, but I’ll save that for another story.)
Meeting Gabe
When people told me “Man, your life is about to change…” there was no conceivable way for me to fully comprehend the meaning of what they were telling me. “Changed” is to subtle of a word. “Metamorphosized” is slightly better, but still somehow inadequate.
Parents will know what I mean.
Little did we know that even at birth his heart was not quite right. But thankfully not only was his heart not quite right, his noggin was on the fritz a bit too. We figured the brain part out much earlier and it probably saved his life.
ADHD to the Rescue…
Even as a toddler Gabe had some weird little quirks. All his Hot Wheels needed to be in a perfect line, he would not stop yelling “Uh Oh!” if a cabinet in the kitchen was even slightly open. Things had to be just so. One time his grandmother had to go across the street and upright the neighbors garbage can that the trash truck had knocked over. He was instant and he was only about a year and a half old.
As the years past these little odd behaviors transformed into “behavior issues”. I am sadden to say that much of the time it was truly difficult to spend time with him when we did not fully understand what was going on. It was hard on him, and it was hard in us.
After talks with our pediatrician and some other kid docs he was diagnosed with ADHD.
As that term is thrown around a lot these days I was initially reluctant to accept that diagnosis. But the more I read and researched (thanks in large part to my wife Denyse who is a Google fiend) the more I resigned myself to the fact that ADHD was at least *in part* could account for what was going on with my son.
After behavior and notional modifications alone were not enough, we started down Ritalin Road. After trying this one and that one for what seemed like an eternity we finally found a combination of diet, medication and parenting style that seems to be really working. At least for now.
These days Gabe will not leave my side, and it absolutely determined to be “just like Daddy.” I love every minute of it and will savior these moments as long as I can as I suspect when the tween to teen years hit “Daddy” will no longer be anywhere near as cool as (at least Gabe thinks) I am now.
Don’t get me wrong – sometimes like any normal kid he is a giant pain in the ass and some days are better than others.
But then there was the EKG.
About 6 weeks ago one of his docs (not sure which one) said that we should get an EKG since whenever anyone is taking a stimulant ADHD medication it is prudent to make sure the heart is functioning normally.
Well, as you might have guessed Gabe’s heart was not functioning normally.
If Gabe did not have ADHD we would have not know about his heart condition, so in a very odd but real sense – ADHD was a blessing.
What’s He Got?
It seemed like after every test he took they kept finding more and more wrong. That might not be fully accurate, but that is what it felt like to me.
Getting hooked up
So he was initially diagnosed with Wolf – Parkinson – White disease, or WPW. What that means is there is an extra electrical connection in his heart that screws up the beats. There is a kind of WPW that does not pose any future problems and can be essentially ignored.
Gabe does not have that kind.
His kind *CAN* lead to a life threatening event even if he presents as asymptomatic. The word “can” was enough to freak me out considerably. So that sucks.
What doesn’t suck is it can be fixed. But that meant more tests.
The next test (a heart echo) showed that he also has a small hole in his heart. F’ing dandy- a hole. If that wasn’t enough one of his valves is not exactly where it should be.
Again, that just f’ing sucks.
That was the bad news.
And Now for the Good News….
It can be fixed.
The procedure is call an ablation– not a surgery because they don’t actually cut. The can go in with catheters through the neck and thigh and tinker with his ticker. They fry the extra electrical connection (solving the WPW) and thy stick a cork in the hole. (At this point they are only scoping out the valve to see if it will require further action.)
As any father would, I would gladly give him my heart if it would help. But I also confident it would never come to that.
The procedure is tomorrow al UCLA and they say it is minor.
I say when it is your kid there is no such thing as minor.
And Now the Hard Part…
I won’t fool myself into thinking tomorrow will be easy. It won’t.
It will be very, very hard.
My mind will not be on fitness, but on health- my son’s health. I will be at my Gabe’s side until the make me leave (that will be about the time they are sedating my wife.)
Thankfully we will have my parents and her parents there to support us. Having family around, while normally annoying, is quite comforting in this situation.
Gabe is currently happy as a calm – as usual. He knows just a little of what is coming tomorrow as we have tried to prepare him a bit, but I’m sure he be pissed when he figures out he can’t eat all morning. I know that would piss me off.
Gabe is a tough kid with a tremendous heart (no pun intended). He is strong and will be just fine. His heart can take it fine, I just hope mine can.
So that’s it. Tomorrow please just send Gabe some good thoughts, we can use all we can get.
I will update the blog after the surgery procedure to tell you how great he is doing.
Joshua Carter
Gabe’s Dad
Our thoughts and prayers will be with you tomorrow!! It will be a tough day but it sounds like he is a trooper and will come out of this fine!!!!
My family and I will be in prayer for you and the family. God will take care of your family and show you that he can do all things except fail. Trust God in this test and you will come out with a great testimony for others to put their trust in God as well. We love you and your family and than God for you all. GOD BLESS YOU ALWAYS.
May the skill of the doctors, the advancements in medicine, and your own personal strength all work together as an unbeatable team. Know that you are surrounded by caring thoughts, prayers and heartfelt wishes.
Hey Joshus,
My family and I will be in prayer for your son and you and your wife. Being a mother of a 23 year old Gabriel Thomas James…this especially touches my heart strings.
Blessings,
Barbi
Your son is a gift and a blessing. Sending you prayers and warm thoughts tomorrow. May the skilled experts and specialists who will touch him be guided by Divine power. I wish you and your support system much strength and steadfastness. God bless.
Good Luck to Gabe!! Be strong, all will be well!
Josh, our prayers are with Gabe, as well as with you, Nate and Denyse. Waiting is indeed the hardest part.
Much love from Diana and I
Ron
I wish you and your family all the best, assurance and peace tomorrow…He’s got the whole world in his hands, and He’s got Gabe in His hands. Take Care
I’m sure if he’s like his daddy everything will be just fine. Our kids are our future. My very best wishes to you all.
Regards,
Dave
I’ll be praying for Gabe and You.
Josh,
I told my Fiancee to join me in keeping Gabe in our hearts and prayers today. I will also be praying for you and the rest of your family that God may grace you with a successful procedure, and alleviate your worries for your son.
Everything will be fine
God Bless
-Tom W
Joshua,
Just a fellow trainer from NYC that somehow got on your mailing list. So sorry to hear about your son. It is times like this when life is truly put in perspective. Positive thoughts and prayers being sent from the East Coast. My Dad shares your son’s name so I know he must be a great kid!
Hello,
I wish your son all my love and prayers, and I know he will be fine! I know how scary this is from experience. I have a son that is 17 months old he was born w/ a large ASD. They(the heart surgerons) said it would never be able to close on its own. Not only bc it was so big but bc he was born w/ no red blood cells. So we were always in Childrens Hospital either at the oncology center or the heart surgeons. They could not do a bone marrow transplant due to the weak heart and they could not do heart surgery due to the lack of red blood cells. The did not have much hope. I have hope in GOD! My son is alive and well w/ no surgery and no bone marrow w/ a close ASD and all the great red blood cells that he needs. So I know when things seem tough and you can not fight anymore do not ever give up hope it will be ok God takes care of us and our beautiful children. I will pray that he will be in that room before Gabe goes in for surgery and a hedge of protection is around your son the whole time during and after in Jesus name! I hope you and your family have a very Merry Christmas and a Blessed new Year! Gabe will be fine!
Our thoughts are with you all. There’s no doubt that Gabe is in the best hands and will come through this well. Wishing him a speedy recovery,
The Parkers
Good Luck with the procedure … we will be thinking about you today! Be positive!
Thanks for sharing your story.. Thoughts and prayers your way!
Lisa
Best of luck today. My prayers are with you.
Hope everything goes well!
My thoughts are with you little one…
You can do it!
Speedy recovery, Gabe!!!
May God bless you and your family. Dana & Gabe Micu
Josh,
Good luck to Gabe and the rest of your family. My thoughts are with you today.
Bonne chance Gabe! Mes prieres sont avec toi.
Hey Josh – as a fellow dad (3 y/o, 2 y/o & one due in March), I understand and can feel your words.
All the best to you and your family – please keep us updated.
Thanks for sharing, seriously…thanks.
-Curtis
My thoughts and best wishes are with you all !!!
God bless this Family!!! Gabe I will be praying for you!!!!
Rafaela Rodrigues
Gabe sounds very resilient–he’s going to be fine. Keeping the Carter family in my thoughts and prayers for a quick recovery and wonderful Christmas. Stay strong, for Gabe and Nate.
Hey Josh,
I was just thinking back to when I met your family at your place when I house sit for you. What a fantastic family you have and I trust Gabe will be fine. Keep strong! – Kris E.
Josh I can not imaginge what you r going through & hope I never have too. With all MY heart I send love & prayers
My thoughts and prayers will be with your family.
I work as a fitness instructor and also a spiritual medium and healer and will be sending loving prayers and energy to your family and son at this time.
a friend.
Gabe’s in my prayers as are the doctor’s to get plenty of rest tonight and have steady hands during surgery.
All my hugs to you and yours for your amazing strength to continue. Hoping for a speedy recovery!
I just read your post. My prayers are with you and your family. Gabriel is strong and he’ll do just fine! He’s got a lot of people around him that love him. You stay strong, too.
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